Just Call Me ‘Mum’

I know – it’s been too long! But I’m not apologizing this time because I have been enjoying my time and my snuggles with my little girl.

Baby girl will be a month old on Thursday. She has grown so much already and is starting to show signs of major sass. She usually cries for 3 reasons – she’s hungry, she wants to be put down – she doesn’t always like to be held, or she has a dirty nappy. My baby doesn’t like to sit in a nappy of her own mess and I wouldn’t either, so she will let me know if I haven’t noticed. She naps a lot during the day and at night she’ll wake 3-4 times to feed and be changed and once that’s done she’ll go back to sleep. She loves bath time and she’s very active, always waving her arms in the air and kicking her long legs. She’s my little hot water bottle, always keeping me warm and making my arm sweat when I hold her. She’s practically perfect.

BUT

She hates her car seat and she doesn’t always like to bring up her wind – making  herself grizzly and I’m the one who has to deal with it.

Well everything that I thought motherhood would be like is not how it really is. This little girl has turned me into a big softy! I cannot believe how much I love this little girl and how easily the motherly instincts are coming to me. It’s almost like I’ve always known what to do. And that scares me a little bit hahaha. I am loving my days with my gorgeous girl. I spend most of the day cuddling up to her when she lets me. But then she gets sick of my arms and cries to be put down. It breaks my heart haha.

Having a baby has taught me a lot about myself. I’ve learnt a lot about prioritizing and putting the important things first. Yes, it is nice to have a clean house all of the time and to look presentable. But it is MORE important to have a clean and healthy baby and to spend time with her. I am finding that although I should probably do those dishes or put a load of laundry on, my daughter needs my attention more. And it has been difficult for me to do that because I’m so used to tidying the house in my spare time. I’ve also learnt that I’m a lot more patient that I realized. In fact, I’m more patient with my daughter and less patient with my husband.

And one thing that I learnt from My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 is that I was a girlfriend before I was a mother. It can be easy to neglect my husband when I’m so busy taking care of our little girl. My brain is always in mum mode so even when baby is asleep and my husband tries to get my attention, I’m thinking about her and I’m thinking about all the things I need to be doing. My own self-consciousness about my new mum body has it’s psychological effects and seems to draw this barrier between my husband and I and it’s my own fault. So I’ve learnt that although my daughter and meeting her needs is my top priority right now, I also have a wonderful husband who I love.

I’ve spent every Sunday since her birth in the mother’s room at church – a place I’m sure I’ll become all too familiar with. I’ve been hit with first-time-mum-paranoia; too scared to leave the house with baby by myself, too scared to drive with her by myself, don’t want anyone to hold her, kiss her, or stick their gross fingers in her mouth, staying away from people until she is immunized, and cautious about almost every little thing in an attempt to keep my baby healthy and happy.

And you know what? I love this little girl so much. I can’t even explain to you how much I love her! I spend most mornings lying in bed staring at her. And then I spend the rest of the day cuddling her – sometimes I forget to eat lunch because I’m enjoying my cuddles so much. Being a mum was one of the last things I wanted. I am a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a friend, a wife, but right now my favourite title is a mother. I’m so honoured to be the mother of such a gorgeous and perfect little girl. She makes my heart melt and my ovaries very very proud.

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